B L O G

7/8/2024 - Behold, The Garden Portal

4/29/2024 - "Voidself Reflection #2 - Unfathomable Purge-State"

4/15/2024 - "WIP Voidself Reflection #6

4/8/2024 - "Voidself Reflection #1: Soul Searcher

3/12/2024 - "Ursurper of Light"

2/05/2042 - "Open Mind, Expanding Heart"

1/24/2024 - "Astral Propagation"

I can't....totally...100% explain where the urge came from....



It sort of became wrapped around my mind, writhing and cruising from another dimension and manifested as a physical obect here on our earthly-plain



But I felt it was important to create a viewing box for some of my recent work, especially after discovering "Chromadepth 3D" (a new lens for viewing my work, more on that another time)



It sort of came after a series of curiously placed experiences, but I am grateful for the time spent working on it and what it will offer into the future




I call it "The Garden Portal", as it is not only a viewing window for my artwork, but the ephemeral transmission received that lead to following this urge to create feels like something from elsewhere, and in turn seems satisfied by this current offering.

The transmission stopped, but it's not gone. I can still sense it, but it's hard to make clear what it may be asking next.

-Alex aka Mr. Voidself

Amidst the non-linear timeline of grief and growth and forward momentum comes the ever uncomfortable but ultimately necessary process of looking inward and finding the old rot that has been embedded to the soul. So begins the purge, allowing an individual to be rid of internalized toxins holding back the potential of acting as the whole-self.

Our realities are shaped by what we see inside ourselves and how that manifests to the tangible world in front of us. At the time of scrawling this Monolith, I had been in a consistent purge-state, making way for new growth by removing the rot taking up space. A deeply uncomfortable process in the early stages, gradually becoming easier as toxic muck begins to bubble up to the surface.

The pain of separation from another (a lover, a friend, a family member) for example, the untying of spirits from one back to two and ultimately returned as individuals, is a call to see ones own trip, whether that's past, present or future. The enduring inner drama becomes unsheathed, a blade to wield as weapon or in ritual as a reminder of the relationship between our creative and destructive power.

Much like the Soul Searcher Monolith, the third eye appendage grows and looks back toward the husk adhered to the Garden floor, in search of compassionate understanding to return agency to the traveler turned Monolith. A later stage in the iterative process, this particular Monolith may be well on its way to return home, to return back to itself and fulfill a complete iteration.

- Alex aka Mr. Voidself

Slowly working my way through the 6th installment in the Voidself Reflection series. As far as process goes, I'm trying something a little different this time, instead of adding color to one type of element at a time (e.g. mushrooms, vines, etc.) I'm going to strictly go from left to right to fill in this piece. There's a couple reasons I'm going to do be doing this, but given I've been getting more strict with myself in noting my palettes as I work on each section, it's become easier for me to bounce between each element in the drawing.

- Alex aka Mr. Voidself

To be granted awareness, one must first be willing to see.

To be granted vision, one must first be open to listen.

To be granted ears to hear, one must be able to

be still.

It is simply not enough to lay claim to ones own internal drama; that does not constitute awareness if couched in the miasma of judgement and fear. It is vital for the soul searcher to be a willing participant in their own witnessing; to notice and allow what is seen to be, despite disruption of the ego's ulterior motives to remain as is; to not remove the foundation of status quo in the name of creature comforts.

A Soul Searcher is not one specific type of a Monolith or even traveler, but a mode available inside of all conscious beings. It is a state of karma unfolding in the direction of truth. A massively uncomfortable process of peeling away the layers above; the shedding of old skin to be reborn anew. It is about being steeped in the process, and moving through.

Insides eviscerated, hauling out the fundamentals of being which can only remain ignored through the act of dissociation and avoidance. The third eye appendage, granted in the later stages of Monolithic Transmutation*, takes careful consideration through the act of simply witnessing from a relatively distanced view.

When enough layers are peeled back, and the veil begins to thin, what's left is something not unlike the Rafflesia** (the corpse flower), in that there's a deep natural beauty to be seen, but it just so happens to smell like death; reeking of rotted flesh.

This Monolith is in the mode of Soul Searcher, depicted digging deep into the core of their being to discover their deepest truths, as it appeared clear to me upon discovery that this monolith was only moments away from their return journey from the Garden, preparing to reunite with the Whole-Self and complete the current iteration.

- Alex aka Mr. Voidself

“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.”
Philip K. Dick.



Once you see something for what it is, it feels nearly impossible to go back within the dream world we’ve carefully constructed for ourselves. Since our early programming in childhood, we all begin guided along a predetermined path that came pre-packaged within our immediate environments.

Something about the last two years that feels different from all previous chapters is how much more noticing has occurred within myself and my outward actions on a day to day basis. This could be actions I relay onto others or to myself, either way I feel I’ve been seeing things from a much cleaner lens than before, and with each passing noticing seems to come even a small step in a direction that is fueled by truth instead of internal fiction.

This noticing, a space of introspection, I’m finding has become more and more the essence to freeing oneself from internal suffering and toward what provides a deeper sense of security. Building that sense of security then becomes the essence of being in the material reality in front of you and treating it with the respect it commands by being all there actually is at any given moment.

And when we do this….

We may no longer be able to deny our role in the world...

...our role in other people's lives

In Society

In Nature

In Politics

The process of going inward is a messy and radical honesty combined with the precision of a tight rope balancing act, between all things that can either lead us deep into fear or out toward truth. The fundamental thing I keep running into, is that while it does require you to spend a lot of time thinking about yourself, it does not stop at the individual reflecting, because truth requires a consideration of all things, which in turn requires an acknowledgement you can not know most things for certain.

This sort of thought, I’d wager with you all, creates a subtle yet seismically reactive shift away from -isms, restricting dualities, assuredness and transforms that energy into compassion and integrating with the material (the ground you stand on) alongside the immaterial (how you feel about the ground you stand on).

To turn this into a pretty strong claim, coming back down to earth from the space of “I can not ever truly know”, it feels right in my heart to say that this is one of the key antidotes to narcissistic behavior, although the path is never a clear and linear one. But I think as a fundamental principle, an adherence to and motion toward truth is antithetical to narcissistic thinking because it requires for us all, at times, to contend with our own misgivings and take responsibility for that.

Another strong claim I’m going to make may give you pause for reflection, and I’d urge you to sit with that before you let the discomfort inform a reaction based response. Notice what you feel before your feelings make the next move prematurely.



Narcissism is in a direct pipeline toward fascism

We are all, at any time, capable of behaving in narcissistic ways, with narcissistic traits. So what does that mean about our relationship to fascism, too? Are we all capable of taking part in great evil? Could I be? Could YOU be? How could I….how could you….

But this can not thrive without the sustenance of fear, hate, and the abhorrence to introspection and admittance of faults. There is no doubt in my mind, the common thread between narcissism and fascism is insecurity.

It is up to us, individually, to decide how we show up together in community so we may take care of each other and make steps to a world driven on truth.

These are not separate entities, they all reflect back and forth into each other, and if that’s the case, what other responsibility could be greater than taking care of one self so you may remain in this world and in service of each and every moment and all it’s made up from.



"Usurper of Light", 14x17 Colored Pencil and Ink (2024)

With that, I wish to cast a bit of magick, impose this message out into the world with this finished mandala, a reflection on the power of narcissistic behavior. The narcissist grafts itself to the sun in hopes to be seen as a shining star, but instead remains nothing but a usurper of light, leeching the desired energy from others only to incinerate the world from which it seeks its strength.

This mandala is a charged object.

This charged object is an offering to the world, in order to put out a representation of the evil from which we retain the potential to embody if we do not spend time in a place of noticingBe kind, look out for one another and until next time, be well and take care.

- Alex aka Mr. Voidself and reflecting. If we do not accept the fierce grace of life's unfolding as simply circumstance that can be appreciated in reverence despite the pain endured.

Our feelings are valid, our pain is recognized, and our lives move forward. May we strip away the veil, and see our experiences aren’t the world, but as elements within the world. May we see clearly our relationships to all people, places and nature. May we accept our transgressions and wrong doings through the revolution of the self; to a self that cares, whether this be for itself or for everything and everyone.

May this offering to the world be one piece of the puzzle that allows us to reject the potential for great evil lurking at the core of the human condition, that can only result in the extremes of fascism and cold, systematic mass death of an “other”.

This may be uncomfortable to contend with. But we must...

Sit with this...

...Reflect...

...and grow

Be kind, look out for one another and until next time, be well and take care.

- Alex aka Mr. Voidself

The opening of one’s hardened, protective egoic structure to find the center in which all self love and outward compassion rests. A vibrant depiction of the process of leaning further into finding oneself integrating deeper with their center, with the place that can only see reality as it is instead of filtered through a veil (or in this case, an impenetrable fortress of fear).

A moment of magick, in a sense, to manifest an artifact resembling a part of my own inner journey in hopes that it may inspire others to take the inward dive in search of truth. This effervescent warmth exploding out from love to universe, ringing through the cosmos in search of those willing to receive the gifts of awareness and reflection. To see oneself for oneself, accepting at face value the matter of fact nature of reality.

I was not aware at the beginning of the process that led me to realize this piece, that I had been at the cusp of a new path, a new direction. It was through what in hindsight can only be described as an unfolding of healings and reorienting toward truth that I would find myself on the path I am today. One where I was really feeling the process of death and rebirth, the shedding of old skin and the opening of a once calcified shell.

May this offering, this depiction of the feeling that comes with orienting toward your truest nature, be one of many tools toward your own awareness, your own awakening, your own noticing of whatever is unfolding within you. With an open mind and curiosity, the expanding of your heart may as well be inevitable.

—

At the time of working on this drawing, I was in the middle of several pieces I consider to be artifacts of sorts, each an attempt to inspire the process of growth and inner work. I’ve been thinking about how the creative process relates to the idea of magick, and how practicing any sort of ritual that focuses your attention toward intention has the power to charge oneself in the direction their thoughts and ruminations lead them. For me, art has and always will be a part of emotional processing, and in the case of this piece in particular, at the point that I was about finished with it, I realized that a lot of stuff was bubbling in me. Stuff that had still been sitting through my divorce and the death/rebirth process that put me through, for example.

It also signifies a sort of beginning of finding a kinder, warmer space for myself and speed at which I was healing. Granted, what followed this was a period of deep pain and depression, but especially now it’s very clear to me this was all just about that same process. The only way out is through, as they say.

Be well, be kind and keep on the path astral travelers,

- Alex aka Mr. Voidself

The blessing of new life from aged spirits erupts forth in orgasmic celebration as the seeds of the future find their way home. Limitless potential, whether it be the spores of a fruiting body spreading the good word of the mycelia or the human collective consciousness expanding in the search for higher purpose and equitable existence. The bountiful experience we call every “day” is one to be cherished, nourished and propagated.

In the context of the Garden, the propagation of this particular Cosmotroph not only represents this opportunity provided to us through the ouroboros of life and death, but one of camaraderie and celebrative action in honor of ancestral memory between the wisdom of generations past and those expected to be going forward. This anomalous parade of life energy is the ritualistic dance to celebrate the process of rebirth, and known to be a motivational boon on any wandering souls who happen upon the vivacious display.

—

I had started this piece at the beginning of 2022, and it came about during a period of some subtle, yet somehow seismic, changes that started to rumble inside of me. My focus and inner monologue were seeing this sort of gradual shift from a darker minded, more cynical tone to something lighter and more integrated. I had felt myself ready to shed old skin, but had hit a depressive trap along the way. In hindsight, that depressive place was also heavily impacted by environmental factors such as my everyday home life and several of the people I was surrounded by on a regular basis. But all the same, the transformation was on its way and no longer could stand to be contained.

Given that my process tends to always begin with some kind of feeling or stream of consciousness, I think that’s a lot of where this piece came from; the cosmic hints and intuitions I felt that led me to believe that some kind of death had occurred and new life was on its way. Reflecting on that today, nearly two years since originally sketching this piece, I think that’s certainly true but I was not totally aware of it at the moment. That’s how most of my art comes to be, and when I look back at the evolution in my subject matter between 2020 to 2022, it’s clear to me a shift was happening in real time as I was working through each finished artwork. This shift can be tracked several pieces back, and finds itself continuing onward through the work I’ve made since, overall.

At the time, I had been incredibly clogged up, and ready to burst forth into the world with new energy and renewed love of the process, of every day, of every moment, of every challenge. Today, I’m still moving in this direction, but there is and always will be so much more work to be done. To be here for it, is the only requirement.

- Alex aka Mr. Voidself